Today I was showing my older daughter how to use Pinterest, and I pinned one of my own blog posts to demonstrate the pinning process. So now that will go out to all of my Pinterest followers and everyone will see that I pinned one of my own blog posts. Is that tacky? to pin your own post? What are people going to think of me? Why do I care?
So...do you still want to
Tomorrow is my A.J.'s 9th birthday. NINE is always a very strange age for me, as a mom, when one of my kids turns this age....because all I can think of is this: OMG half of his childhood is over! Half! Then I start thinking crazy things like this: How has the first half of his childhood been? Were all his needs met? Has he been having fun? Has he felt loved enough? Have I been doing enough with him? What haven't I done with him yet? And I feel a sense of panic, knowing that I only have 9 more years left of his childhood. So much to do with him, so much to teach him. It's not enough time. Nine years is just not enough time. I want more time. I just want the clock to S-L-O-W down .... just S-L-O-W down, okay? When Alex turned nine I said, "Hey, you're 9 today! That means half of your childhood is over." and he looked at me with this shocked expression, then his eyes filled with tears and he stared to cry! Oh my gosh, that broke my heart. He was crying. I was crying. It was a miserable scene. So the next year, it was Avery's turn with the 9th birthday, and you'd think I would have learned my lesson. But, no. Again I said, "Hey, you're 9 today! That means that half of your childhood is over." and she looked at me, then broke out in the biggest smile and said, "Cool!" Oh my gosh, that broke my heart, too. So I'm not going to say that to another one of my kids on their 9th birthday. Because no matter what they say, my heart will break.I'm pathetic, I know.
Today I forgot to pick up Avery from her CCD class. I dropped her off at 5:00, then drove home to start dinner...and all the while I was cooking and helping other kids with homework, I kept saying to myself: Get Avery at 6:00. Don't forget. Get Avery at 6:00. Don't forget. I must have chanted that in my mind 100 times. Then at 5:50 I looked at the clock and I thought to myself: Leave in 5 minutes to get Avery. Don't forget. Leave in 5 minutes to get Avery. Don't forget. But I was only able to chant that in my mind about 20 times, because soon Aislynn came to me with the phone in her hand asking me to talk to her friend's mother to schedule a playdate. So I was on the phone, giving directions to my house and making plans. When I hung up, I went back to the salad I was making. Then Aria came into the kitchen to ask me to zip up her pretty-pretty dress that she had just put on, and then Audriana came into the kitchen with her laptop and said, "Mom...I want to show you the prom dresses I'm looking at...do you have time right now?" and so because this isn't the first time she's asked me this, I sat down at the kitchen table to make some time for my 19 year old. Next thing I know, my cell phone rings with a number that I don't recognize. I answer.
Mom? Are you coming?
Who is this?
Mom! It's Avery!
I glanced at the clock and it was 6:15. She was calling from the church office. Ahhhhh! I forgot! So I hung up and drove off like a mad woman to go get her. Luckily our church is only 5 minutes away. But still. The point is this: I forgot Avery. She was left waiting when everyone else was picked up. That's got to be one of the worst feelings as a kid.
Later that night we all went to Target to pick out gifts for A.J's birthday, and I let Avery get her own pack of gum. As if that makes up for it, I know. But it did make me feel a bit better. That Mommy Guilt can be a bitch, so anything that eases it I'm going to use!
A few days ago I saw this video and I must have watched it about 147 times.
Did you watch it? Aren't they just about the cutest little boys you have ever seen? Did you hear their sweet voices? Oh, how I fell in love with these two brothers! I called and left messages, asking what I needed to do to adopt these two. I called and called. Finally, I sent emails to various people within the agency. I really, really wanted these two little guys to join our family. I got a response email today: They were just placed with an adoptive family. I was too late! I'll admit that I was bummed about that. But I'm also happy for them, to know they are out of foster care and now have a family of their own. Good for them.
What was I thinking, anyway? Here I am, forgetting to pick up my own kids from events, falling short every single day in different ways, always wondering if I'm giving each child enough of myself, and yet my heart wants others to join our family. What was I thinking.
But seriously...did you watch that video? Have you ever seen such adorable boys? Who wouldn't want to take those little sweeties home?!!
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