Thursday, December 29, 2011

My Elf on the Shelf failure

I'm sure most of you know about the  popular Elf on the Shelf by now.  For those of you who don't, here is a photo of the little dude:


He comes with a book that you read to the children, and the story explains how Santa sends one of his elves to "spy" on them during the day, and then at night he flies back to the North Pole to report to Santa on their behavior that day.  You are to name your elf, and then look for him each morning, because when he flies back the next day he always sits in a new spot in the house.   The fun part of this "tradition" is when the kids look for the elf's new hiding spot each morning.

Okay, so after hearing all the wonderful things about this Elf on the Shelf tradition, I decided to buy one for our family last Christmas.  Our elf was given the name "Peter" by our then four-year-old Andrew.   I read the book to the kids two times, to be sure they knew and understood the "rules" -- the main one being that you never, ever, ever, ever touch the elf!  Never!  or he loses his magic.  Yes, it says that in the book.  

The first few days that Peter visited us, he was doing his job just fine.  But then as the days went on, Peter's true colors began to show and we realized that we got ourselves a lazy elf!  On most mornings, the kids would wake to find Peter sitting in the SAME EXACT SPOT as the day before!

"Why didn't he move to a new place?!!"
"Did he forget to fly back to the North Pole last night?"
"Did someone touch him?  Is his magic gone?"

Okay, truth be told...I hated this little guy and his stupid Christmas tradition right from the start.   It's like having to be the Tooth Fairy every single night!  The pressure! I mean, come on... as if us parents don't have enough to remember each night before going to bed, but we are supposed to remember to switch the Elf to a new spot in the home every night during December?  It just wasn't happening in this household.  I tried to remember, I really did! But I just couldn't do it every night. 

Anyway, so that was last year's stress  fun.    I believe "Peter" changed places a total of seven or eight times, total.  I felt the mommy-guilt like crazy, but did my best to cover up...saying things like:  he must really, really like that spot...and yes, of course he flew back to the North Pole last night; doesn't he look tired to you? ....and no, I'm sure no one touched him.  Look how high up he is!

Christmas Eve is supposed to be the elf's last night with the family.  On that night, he is to fly back to the North Pole, give his final report,  and stay the entire next year helping to make Santa's toys.  Then next year he returns to the family during the month of December to Spy & Report once again.  So, that adds yet another stress responsibility for us parents:  On Christmas Eve, after we stay up half the night wrapping and setting out the presents, we not only have to pretend to eat the cookies and drink the milk that was left out for Santa, being sure to leave crumbs and just a little milk at the bottom of the glass, but we are now also supposed to remember to grab the elf and put him AWAY for next year --  AWAY so that the kids do not accidentally FIND HIM during the year.  Because if THAT happened, well...wouldn't that be a disaster?  How would you explain that? 

This is what gave me my biggest dilemma last year:  where to hide our elf?  I couldn't put him in the Christmas decoration box, because I knew without a doubt that I'd forget he was in there and one of the kids would find him when we were decorating the house next December.   So I hid him in a really good spot, a place where the kids would never find him.

Now fast forward to this year:  We finished decorating the tree and the house, and then one of the kids asked, "I wonder when our elf will come?"  and right away I tried to remember where I hid that guy.  I could not remember!  I searched every inch of the house.  No elf.  Every day the kids asked me, "Where is our elf?  Isn't he coming this year?"  and I'd say, "Oh, I'm sure he'll come.  Maybe they are just extra busy at the North Pole and he's needed there right now."

Days went by and still no elf.  I kept assuming that I'd eventually find him, and after a while the kids stopped asking for him.  Mommy-guilt BIG TIME!  I thought that I should just buy another one, and I planned on it, but things just got busy and I'd keep forgetting to.  Before we knew it, it was December 24th and one of the kids said, "I guess our elf isn't coming."  and oh, I felt so bad.  I really did.  DARN THIS STUPID ELF on the SHELF thing!!   So I explained that maybe the elf goes to another family on some years.  And then Andrew said, "But WE named him Peter.  He's ours."

Ugh.  I had nothing else.

However, the excitement of Santa's arrival took over and the elf was soon forgotten.  The kids woke up to presents galore and we had a very nice Christmas despite being Elf on the Shelfless.

It's now four days after Christmas, and today Rich and I took on the oh-so-fun job of cleaning out our closet; getting rid of old clothes, going through the shelves and the drawers, sorting things.   After about an hour of this, I decided to take a quick break and went down to the kitchen.  Rich stayed to finish up his side of the closet.  After about two minutes or so, I  heard him calling my name.  But because I had just sat down at the kitchen table, I didn't feel like going back upstairs to see what he wanted.  Since he only called my named two or three times and then stopped,  I figured it couldn't have been too important.

Then all hell broke loose.  

A.J., Aislynn, and Andrew came running down the stairs, top speed, shouting, "MOM!!  MOM!!"  and they ran into the kitchen.  I could see that Aislynn was in tears.  In A.J.'s hand was our elf.   

"Look what dad found in his sock drawer!!"
"Dad touched him!!
"You can't touch him or his magic will be gone!

Everyone is upset.  Including me.  My immediate thoughts:

a)  Ugh! so THAT is where I hid him!
b)  Damn my 42-year-old forgetful brain! I hate getting old!
c)  WHY did Rich give the thing to the kids when he found it!
d)  WHY didn't I go upstairs to see what he wanted!  If I had, he would have given it to ME instead of the kids!

So I grabbed the elf, marched upstairs to find Rich still sorting through his drawers.  He stops to look at me and say, all cheerfully, "Hey! I knew you were looking for that thing!  I found it in my sock drawer."   He was proud of himself.

"WHY did you show it to the kids??!!!!"

He looked so pathetically confused.  Seriously, had he no clue about our Elf on the Shelf ritual last year?  How could he not know!

"What? Why?  I shouldn't have?"

"NO!!  You can't TOUCH the elf or his magic goes away!  How am I going to explain THIS to the kids?"

So then he got defensive.
"I don't know the stupid rules to that thing!  Don't blame me.  You are the one who hid it in MY sock drawer!"

He had a point.  And I was mad mostly at myself, anyway.  No use beating him up about it.

So I went back downstairs to face the crying children.  Well, okay...it was mostly Aislynn who was distressed about it.  Both A.J. and Andrew were handling it pretty well.

"Here's the thing, guys..."  I began,  "The elf doesn't lose any of his magic when he is touched AFTER Christmas Day!  Today is the 29th of December.  He's going to be fine."

Aislynn:  But what was he doing in Dad's closet?
Me:  Maybe he chose that as a hiding spot, and then got shut in a drawer?
Aislynn:  Do you think he's been in there all that time?
Me:  I bet he was.
Aislynn:  But when Daddy opened up the drawer to get his socks, why didn't he come out?
Me:  Because Daddy was there, and you know he can't move or fly when people can see him.  So he had to wait, but then Daddy shut the drawer before he could get out.  So he was just stuck there day after day.
Aislynn:  But how did he fly back to tell Santa that we were good?
Me:  I guess he didn't.
Aislynn:  But then how did Santa know if we were good or not?

Oh my gosh she just went on and on and on.  
And after every lie that I told,  I kept thinking to myself... 

Oh, what a tangled web we weave, 
When first we practice to deceive!

I was just digging myself deeper and deeper, and for what?  For some stupid Elf on the Shelf holiday tradition.

Did I mention that I hate this Elf on the Shelf thing?

Now, to prove that our Elf still has magic and will fly away to the North Pole now that he's out of the closet,  I set him in our Christmas tree and told the kids that we will know if he's still got his magic if he is gone from this spot by morning.  If he isn't here tomorrow morning, I explained to them, that means he flew back to the North Pole.  And then you will know that he's okay!

That seemed to settle them down.  And the drama was over.

Now, before I go to bed tonight... 
  - remember to take the elf from the Christmas tree... because if I don't, and the kids see him there tomorrow morning... they will be convinced that his magic is gone for good. 
 - find a new hiding place for him - one where I will actually REMEMBER when next December rolls around!





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11 comments:

  1. Oh, this just has me even more convinced that I never need an Elf on the Shelf in our house!

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  2. Fellow elf hater here. We have two, and the amount of sleep they've caused me to lose is ridiculous. More often than not, I start to doze off, remember the elves, bolt up and move them. I also hate the crazy lengths other moms go to create the magic. Flour fight in the kitchen? Feathers all over because they've had a pillow fight? Uh, heck no. Ours move and perch sweetly. Period. We've had ours five years, and many times I've pulled tooth fairy and elf duty in the same night. I'd like to strangle those brilliant ladies who came up with the elf tradition. Here's a tip that may help you. In their off season, our elves live in a small Christmas bag on my top closet shelf. It's enough to jog my memory and my kids never question the bag. Better luck next Christmas, because misery loves company! Lol!

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  3. Oh, my! I don't think my brain could handle the elf on the shelf game. And I could totally see my kids asking the same questions when I would forget to move it or had forgotten where I put it. Good job at damage control!

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  4. I laughed out loud in my office! What a cute and funny post. I think the elf on the shelf idea is so funny, and a little creepy. Hope you remembered :)

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  5. As a mom of 4 kids under the age of 5, and one on the way, I feel your pain. My husband was actually the one who came home from work one day with our Elf on the Shelf..but of course, I get the responsibility of moving it each day. Add that to my forgetful pregnancy brain, and our Elf on the Shelf days were a disaster! And I didn't even think about the whole "don't hide it with the christmas decorations" thing. Guess I better go find a place for our elf!

    But still, I couldn't help but laugh at your story:)

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  6. Oh my! I was reading some family members blogs about their shelf elf and thought it looked cute but was like "not sure it would work for me". After reading this I can rest assured - it will not work for me!

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  7. When your kids are all grown, and you tell them this story they're all going to laugh so hard! Just like we did!

    We have an elf, too. It's a big pain. So that I wouldn't forget where he went (because as you mentioned, he can't be with the Christmas decor), I made a note on my calendar for Thanksgiving 2012 of where I hid him. Maybe you could try that?!

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  8. So funny! I was thinking of buying an Elf on the Shelf for next year, but I know that he would never move. They seem like so much work! I think I'll just stick with our current plan of Santa just knowing that they are naughty or nice!

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  9. My sister does the Elf on the shelf thing, which makes my kids ask why we don't have one. I just gave them some garbled reason, but I am SO NOT doing the Elf on the Shelf. Too much work! Our Tooth Fairy positively sucks, she forgets ALL THE TIME, so I am fairly certain I would fail elfhood, too. And the moms doing the whole mischevious elf thing are nutso!
    Hope you remembered to move him!

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  10. Did you remember to move him??? I always wanted to do the elf, just didn't want to pay the extra $30 at christmas.

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  11. I DID remember to move him! Yay me. And I hid him in a place that I will NOT forget this time :)

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