Sunday, February 28, 2010

We are not crazy.

LARGE families. 

Having nine kids throws us into that category.  Actually, with nine I believe we have earned the title of "mega-family" :)

Although I personally don't feel that nine is all that many,  I do know that in today's society we are definitely not the norm.  And because of this, we get stopped and counted and questioned wherever we go.  It's just the way it is.  When we walk into a restaurant, people stop talking for a half-second and all eyes are on us as our troop marches to our table.

Mom...they're counting us again. 
I know.  
 
We get asked a lot WHY we have so many kids. 
Why do you want so many kids?
It's hard to answer that question with just one answer. 
Because we love children just doesn't cut it (although it's true) but in all fairness, a person with just one or two kids can love children, too.  So that answer isn't good enough.

Another comment I get a lot is...   
You must be crazy, having so many kids!
Nine kids?  You're crazy!

Crazy?  As in....insane?  Really?  
I am many things, but crazy I am not.  
We are not crazy.  
Let me explain:  Crazy is doing something over and over again even though it does not work, brings you sadness, pain or unhappiness.   So see, I would be crazy if I did not enjoy being the mom of so many -- if  I complained all the time, was overwhelmed all the time, sad or depressed, and didn't enjoy my children.... and yet kept having more.  Now, that would be crazy, I agree.  But I certainly don't fit the crazy definition.  Neither does my husband.

It's very true that not everyone wants nine or ten children.  And that's okay!  For some, three is their perfect number, or five, or maybe just one.  For others, nine or ten is their perfect number.  Or twelve.  (or in the Duggars case, 19!)   We all have different personalities with different limitations. I think it's important to know and trust your limitations.  Rich and I know our limitations, and I trust that you all know yours.  And just as I would never tell anyone how many children is right for them, it's my simple wish that others extend me that same courtesy.  Unfortunately, that is seldom the case. 

You see, for some reason, when you have four or more children that opens you up for getting advice on what you should do regarding your family size.  Anyone reading this ever experience what I'm saying here?  What is UP with that, anyway?!  I mean, seriously.  Is there a sign on my forehead that reads:  How many children do you think I should have? I need your opinions because I really don't know what I'm doing.  

I really don't understand why people think it's their business how many children we have. Afterall, when was the last time we asked anyone for money to help raise our kids?  I'll answer that: Never!   And when was the last time anyone saw me stressed out and unhappy or depressed?  or complaining that I'm so tired?  You don't hear that from me.  What you do hear and see is happiness and joy and sometimes the typical mom frustration that comes with having any number of kids.  And maybe my house isn't the cleanest or tidiest on the block, but who cares about that?  Seriously. Whoever judges me on how clean or tidy my house is can just go pound sand.  What you need to look for is happy parents and happy children.  If you see that, then all is well. What I have is a happy family.  What we do works for us. And that's a fact.

What confuses me the most is when people tell us that we should be "done".  When I ask them why they say that, the most common answer I get is this:  because you have to stop sometime.  What kind of answer is that?  Of course we will have to stop sometime.  You think we don't know that?  Eventually, in time, the female body is no longer able to reproduce.  It happens.  We get old.  I get that.  I would never be one who would go to extreme measures to tamper with nature or alter my body so that I can concieve a baby in my 50's.  So yes, eventually my reproductive system will call it quits.  I know that.  I accept that.  Eventually that day will come.

But today is not that day.

Today, the facts are these:  I have a lot of energy. My health is great.  My births are extremely easy. My babies are healthy.  My husband is healthy.  We enjoy our life.  We enjoy our kids.  We are not overwhelmed (no matter if you think it would overwhelm you to have this many kids, we are different than you, our circumstances are different than yours, our limitations are different than yours, and it's important to remember that)  We pay for all of our needs ourselves.  We don't depend on others for anything -- not for childcare, not for money.  Our kids are happy.  We are a married couple.  Yes! A married couple!  (I'm no Octomom)  And we truly believe that God blesses us through our children.  Children are God's rewards.  We don't want to turn away any rewards from God.  I understand that not many can grasp that concept, and that's okay!  But just know that this is how we feel, what we believe, and please respect that.  That's all we ask.

The infamous Are You Going to Have More question is easy for me to answer. 
We. Don't. Know.
We serioulsy do not know. 
I don't have a crystal ball.  I don't know if at the age of 42 my body will drop an egg at exactly the right time to create a baby.  Maybe my system has slowed down?  Maybe I have no eggs left?  I really don't know.  I'm not concerned about that.  I don't stay up at night worrying about that.  I figure, if we have another, then we have another!  How wonderful!  But if not, then that's okay, too.  One thing I can say with certainty is that we would welcome another baby in a heartbeat.  Are we trying for another baby? No, not really.  But we aren't preventing, either.  And I have yet to give away our baby clothes.  So there's the answer to that one.

The most common question that I get asked is How do you do it?  I've got my hands full with just two! (or 3, or 4...)   And to that I say... we are all different. Not everyone can handle many children, or would want to,  but our experience is that it gets easier, the more you have.  However, hardly anyone believes me when I say this. And unless you've experienced it, it's really hard to explain.  I found an article recently that did a pretty good job describing what I mean.  Below is a portion of that article (and two or three comments of my own added) that relates to me and my family, and I think it helps to answer the WHY question. You can find the entire article here:  Why Big Families Might Be Easier   

Why Big Families Might Be Easier

Patience. I never have to teach patience. My children know that I can’t drop everything for them if I have a baby in my arms.

Work Ethic. My children have learned to work because there are always chores to do in a small house packed with little messy lunatics. And they all learn quickly that sometimes they have to clean up a mess even though they didn’t make it.

Humility. My children have learned it’s not always their turn. They’ve accepted they can’t always get their way because other people have to get their way sometimes. They’ve learned that some children are better at certain things than they are.

Foreign language skills. You can learn a lot of Spanish by watching ten years of Dora the Explorer that you just can’t pick up in two. And now with the Diego spin off I’m practically fluent.

Laughter. The children have learned to laugh at the insane non sequiturs of younger siblings. They’ve learned that laughing just feels better when ten people are doing it along with you.

Competition. Do I really need to go into this? Everything is a competition in big families. The children compete over who reads faster, who drinks their milk faster, who gets to the bathroom first…etc. Everything is a competition and they’re all keeping score.

Life isn’t fair. Sometimes you just give it to the baby because you want a little quiet. Not all the time. But sometimes.

Just say “No.” Being able to say “no” may be the most undervalued skill in this world. The need to be liked is pervasive. The need to be cool even more so. Having brothers and sisters teaches children to say “no” about 143 times a day. It’s a good skill.

Praying. They learn that nothing beats praying together as a family.

Nature/Nurture. Having many children has taught me that nature has a lot more to do with who my kids are than nurture. This is helpful, especially when your children misbehave you don’t have to feel bad about it. Just say “Stupid nature!!!” and blame your spouse’s genes.

Namecalling. You can occasionally call your child by the wrong name and still not be considered a terrible parent. They know who you mean just from your tone. Sometimes if you need something done you can call the wrong name and someone will still show up. That helps.

Spying. My children have learned that they can’t get away with anything. I have spies who look a lot like them who are willing to drop the dime on them for anything. Even at school I’ve got a child in just about every grade. If they do something I’ll hear. That keeps them nervous. And I like keeping my kids a little nervous.

Friendship. The children have many friends. They’ve got girly friends, crying friends, fun loving friends, consoling friends, and crazy friends. And they all have the same last name. And they’ll be there forever for each other. No matter what.

Efficiency. We can get in and out of the car -- children buckled and unbuckled from car seats and seatbelts -- faster than most families of four. (If you want a visualization of this, just think of a raceway and the cars that go in for their pit stop. We are awesome at pit stops!)

Social Darwinism.  The children have learned that in our house, it is often survival of the fittest.  Whatever is put in front of you, you'd better eat.  Or it will be gobbled up by the kid next to you.  And sometimes, on especially busy and hectic days, cheese and crackers is dinner.  So eat up!

Love. I think my children have learned to love because there are others around them to love and who love them. I honestly can think of no better way to teach children to love than siblings.


And here are my nine rewards the summer of 2009, all lined up in a row, poolside.  What I love most about this photo is that on the end you see Andrew, who at the time just turned three, and he is holding tightly onto Aria.  Right at the moment this photo was taken, Aria started to lean slightly forward and instinctively Andrew reached out and yanked her back so that she wouldn't fall.  And then I snapped the picture.  Even at the tender age of three he was already aware of his role as her big brother and protector.  It makes my heart swell with joy when I witness the bonds my children are forming with each other, and the life lessons they are learning along the way :)

  

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Babysitters

Babysitters.
The best kind are the ones who love to play with babies.
And...do it for free :)
Shannon is on the left.  She is one of Audriana's very best friends.
Shannon has one older brother.
And that's it.
So....being at our house is actually FUN for her!
Imagine that!
Needless to say...I love when Shannon comes over.  Because the first thing she does when she gets here is looks for Aria.  She takes her out of my arms and insists on playing with her.  She wants to change her diapers.  She wants to feed her.  She takes her on walks.  And I'm like, GREAT!  Knock yourself out!  Both her and Audriana will keep Aria entertained for hours.
Aria calls Audriana "Ah wa" and she calls Shannon  "An an".   Very cute.

Shannon and Audriana reading to Aria :)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Home Depot

Woo-Hoo!
Anthony got a job at Home Depot
I am soooo beyond excited. 
Why am I so excited? 
It's not like  Home Depot is my favorite store to shop in.  (that would be The Container Store, Target and Costco -- in that order) 
But here's the deal with the Home Depot:  It's a cool place to work!  Anthony is already very handy with tools and building things.  He's going to fit right in there! I think this job is going to be a great one for him.  The store location couldn't be better.  It's just about 2 minutes from our house.  In fact, it's so close to our house that I can see the store from my upstairs bedroom window.  Yes, I can actually WAVE to him when he's at work.  And if he looked up, and say he had some binoculars with him, well... he would see me and could wave back.  And speaking of location, it's just one block away-- yes, one block -- from the college he will be attending in a couple months.

Of course Rich is thrilled.  He's thinking:  Employee Discounts -- Yeah!!
Yep, Dad is thrilled and proud of his oldest boy :)
Life. Is. Good.

..

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Valentine's Day


Valentine's Day.
A day to  celebrate those you love.
I used to not enjoy Valentine's Day so much.
But then I got a husband!
And kids.
And now...well, I love this holiday!


Here are all the cards and candy that I bought for the kids, set up on our kitchen island, looking pretty and festive....just seconds before it all was devoured :)

Aria is looking pretty in her new heart-shaped glasses!
And she loved her chocolates!

We got busy making cookies....

And later that night, I walked into my bedroom and this is what I found:
bath water running, candles glowing, soft music playing...
Rich treated me to some quiet time relaxing in a hot bath, followed by a 30 minutes massage.  Oh yea, and I got a card, too!  Nice.....


And this candle....we've had this candle since Valentine's Day 1997.  I took Audriana shopping with me to pick out a gift for Rich, and this is what she picked out.  She was just 4 years old and although it wasn't what I wanted to get for him, I didn't have the heart to tell her no.  So, I bought it.  And just 3 days later is when we had our accident and Audriana was so hurt.  Looking back, I am so glad I let her pick out this candle.  We light it every Valentine's Day :)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Rainy Day & Laundry

Today was another rainy day.  I LOVE the rain and rainy days.   What I don't love is the way the kids seem to get extra extra extra HYPER and are constantly asking ME what THEY can do -- because they are BORED.   Ugh.  It gets very tiring!  All. Day. Long.


Yes. I'm complaining.  I do that sometimes.


Here are some photos that I took today of the kids when they were playing peacefully.  (during the times they were fighting and bickering and complaining to me...well, I was in no mood to take their pictures, so I don't have any of those moments captured)

Aislynn built a pretty big tower out of blocks.

Andrew had some fun building his train set.  He's deep in concentration here :)


Some of the kids joined him and starting build tracks all over my living room.


Andrew organized our toy closet.  Oh wait, that was me.  He just jumped in the picture.


And I used my spare time (ha! spare time. you gotta love that term!) organizing my laundry room.  You can't see the entire unit in these photos, but every child has a basket for their clean clothes.  So after I wash and dry and fold them, they go in their baskets and they (the child) will take their clean clothes up to their room and put them neatly away in their drawers.  ha! Did you actually buy that one?  Okay, in a perfect world that is how it would go..... but in all reality I'll be honest and say they just dig from the clean clothes basket to get what they want each day.

And so the dirty clothes go into the large bins on the right --rags and cleaning towels are kept in the middle bins, with diapers and wipes on the top rack. And our extra bath towels and sorted socks are in the left bins.

I actually caught up with ALL our laundry today! Seriously, that was the highlight of my day, knowing that I was done with all laundry. How funny. And pathetic, I guess. But it makes me happy, to be all caught up. It doesn't happen often, and so it deserves some sort of acknowledgement and celebration, don't you think?? 



Wednesday, February 3, 2010

For Our Birthdays

Hey, it's been over 7 months now, but I just found these photos on my camera of last summer.  My mom bought me and Afton a kayaking "tour" for our birthdays -- Afton's is July 19 and mine is July 14  (I know, we are practically twins)  So here are some photos of that day..........

Don't we just look so cute in our helmets?  What are the helmets for, anyway?  Last time I checked, water isn't very hard.  Maybe we had to wear them just in case the sea got rough that day...just in case we clanked our heads together or something, I don't know.


And there we go, taking off on our three hour tour -- a three hour tour  (sing it with me, you know that reminds you of the Giligan's Island theme song...)


The weather starting getting rough....just kidding.  It actually was a perfect day full of sunshine and all that good stuff.  Afton got tired of paddling half way through, and yes, MOM had to take over in order to get us back to shore.  If you're wondering if I was sore after 3 hours of rowing that dang kayak.....do I really need to answer that, or can  you just use your imagination? 


The hardest part was getting back onto dry land.  You have to time it with the waves, you know, and you can't come in sideways or you risk tipping over.  I seriously couldn't have cared less if we tipped over or not.  I was not afraid of getting wet, and actually it seemed easier to just GET OUT and pull the thing back onto the shore myself....BUT there were a bunch of people on the beach just staring at us as we came in, and I am quite certain they were only there in the hopes that we would tip over and give them a good show.  So just because of that pressure, I was determined NOT to tip.  And, we didn't tip.  We made it in just fine.
This was definitely a birthday celebration that we will remember!
Thanks, Mom!  I'm not being sarcastic.  It actually was fun!
Oh, and just in case anyone is wondering .....
this was my 40th and Afton's 14th  :)