The summer is ending and school will be starting up in less than a week for us. We have exciting things coming up:
- Avery and Alex will be going to "real" school for the first time, in 4th and 5th grades.
- A.J. will be going into second grade.
- Aislynn will be starting Kindergarten.
- All four of them will be in the same school together!
- Andrew will be starting afternoon preschool 3 days a week.
- 3 days a week for an hour I will have just Aria in the house with me -- I can't even imagine that!
- A.J will be starting fall baseball and quite possibly karate, too.
- Avery and Aislynn will be starting dance class.
- Alex and Afton will be busy with club soccer.
- Audriana will be busy with her LAST year of Girl Scouts! She's been with the same group of girls since the first grade, so this will be quite a year for their troop.
- Afton will be getting her driver's permit in just a few more months - yikes!
- Anthony is going to college fulltime this fall and working almost fulltime hours at Home Depot.
It's September already!
- by now I would have had my ultrasound.
- we might have found out what we were having - boy or girl.
- my belly would be getting pretty big!
- I would be feeling all kinds of kicks and movements.
The loss seems a bit more heavy today, as I realize this.
Today at the pool I saw a woman in a bikini with about a 6-month belly on her, and this is what triggered all these thoughts. I suddenly remembered that I should look like that, too... and I stared at her for a good amount of time, hiding behind my sunglasses. I just wanted to run up to that woman and ask, "Are you due on Christmas Day?" I had an overwhelming urge to place my two hands on her belly in the hopes of feeling a kick or movement...because that's what my baby would be doing right now. I wanted to feel that new life. I just wanted to be a part of that.
I wanted. I so wanted!
It made me sad. I haven't been sad about this for a while, to tell the truth. I'm so busy in my days, so happy in my days with all the kids and I don't think about it everyday anymore. But today...today I was reminded of the loss by seeing another mother at the same stage that I should be at, and it made me sad. I think I even felt jealous. I felt like all I wanted at the moment ....was to be her.
Some people might read this and think, Oh please...you have NINE! Be thankful for what you have! But if you think like that then you truly do not understand motherhood. It's not about a number. Each child is just as important as the next, just as loved and wanted, no matter how many you have. And when one is lost...even in utero...it's a true loss, and on some level you always feel that loss. Some days more than others. And you always, always want that child back. And that is how I felt today.
I wanted my baby back.
It's September already!
and a few days ago we made a split decision to go away for a couple of days to celebrate the end of summer...and it was just 30 minutes from our house but I felt like we were days away.
The La Costa Resort and Spa, Carlsbad, CA
As soon as we got there, the kids jumped out of the car to check out the pool...because we all know that the pool is THE most important part of a hotel stay :)
This is what excited our kids the most!
and this is what excited Rich the most!
(that is our building in the background)
One day, Audriana and I wandered around the grounds by ourselves and took a few photos
I love this picture of her!
Yea...she wants one of these!
For the little ones who weren't tall enough to ride on the bigger slides, they had this little one for them to have fun on. Aislynn and Andrew rode this one all day long.
Even Aria went down a few times!
But most of the time you could find her here...in one of the pools...floating around.
Or here...in the waterpark!
The kids were surprised that the hallways were "outside".
(yes....two are missing! Anthony had to work and had classes so he only came down at night, and Afton chose to stay with a friend because she didn't want to miss the high school football pre-game. They were missed! It's never quite the same when all nine aren't with us.)
One of the other pools. This one was separate from the water slides.
There is Aria in the "baby" pool. This pool was only 3 feet deep and had a sandy beach on one end.
Andrew spent much of his time running around in the waterpark....
...and then he would come to the jacuzzi to relax!
Doesn't he look incredibly small in that big jacuzzi?
Seriously, we need a jacuzzi this size for our family!
My sweet Andrew :)
But definitely the best part of our hotel stay was the big slides. Even I rode on them quite a few times. I tried to get pictures of everyone coming down the slides...
Alex and Avery pose for a picture at the top! Notice Alex's six-pack? Seriously, he's 10. What's he doing with a six-pack already? Sheesh!
And when it was all said and done at the end of our day, once we were back in our hotel room for the night, this is what we did to entertain ourselves: